It's January, and I want Something New

My wife should never leave me home alone with the checkbook in January.

There is something about the first few weeks of the year that causes my wants and my needs to diverge greatly, and that divergence is an outright danger to the funds in our bank account.

In retirement you have to wisely budget the expenditures of the funds remaining unless you want to end up sitting on one of your children's doorsteps yelling, "remember me?" or asking the Salvation Army to friend you on Facebook.

I am embarrassed to admit it (well not really) but impulse control, for me, during this winter month is usually accomplished only when I look at my wife and realize I don't want her to lead a pauper’s life if I wink out early.

When my wife is around the sanity part of my personality, which is the smallest part, similar in size to an electron, rises up and slays my insanity demon, which is about the size of the current universe. I then usually make it to the end of the month when the huge, unpaid Christmas bills come in and writing those checks mostly cures my illness because the term "insufficient funds" looms in my future if I dare write another check.

When she is away, however, I am left to run amok. I start daydreaming about new cars, about buying a kit airplane and starting to fly again, and I begin my relentless search for the motorcycle that I just have to have to make my life complete. Foolishness realized does not mean foolishness conquered, and I've discovered that age and wisdom are inversely proportional in the male half of my lineage.

Well my wife is away. She's spending a few days watching my new granddaughter, and I'm here alone. Boy that new BMW motorcycle looks good. And the price isn't bad: It only costs as much as my first house.

I sort of feel like the little half man half fly caught in the spider's web in the movie "The Fly."

"Help me. Please"